It’s been a long time my friends! I wish I could tell you that I took a 6-week vacation to Hawaii and now I’m tropically tan, rested and ready to conquer the world. Instead, we are gratefully pregnant with baby girl number three— but sadly, with my third round of Hyperemesis Gravidarm (HG). For those of you unfamiliar with this medical condition that sounds like I only have months to live, it is a complication of pregnancy characterized by intractable nausea, vomiting, and dehydration that affects about .5-2% of pregnant women. This condition was made famous by Kate Middleton, who despite this horrific ordeal is still managing to pop out little royals like they alone are in charge of repopulating the Earth. It’s really only a ailment fit for a princess because then at least you have dozens of nanny’s, special cooks etc. to help with your existing children and ridiculous food cravings like caprese salad at 9am or a peanut butter smoothie for dinner.
All of my efforts this past 14 weeks have been put towards barely surviving mothering my daughters and running to and from every toilet, sink, and garbage can in a 50-mile radius. Don’t let slap-stick comedy fool you; throw up in real life, is not a lot of thing-- including funny.
It is not morning sickness.
Almost all pregnant women get some form of morning sickness and it not just limited to the AM hours. Really it should be renamed mourning sickness where you mourn your new normal of feeling like you simultaneously want to nap while murdering your co-worker who ate tuna for lunch and hasn’t showered since Tuesday. It is around 3 or 4 weeks of queasiness with occasional vomiting. Compared to what I have; that sounds like a Hawaiian vacation.
It is not a time for suggestions or comments.
Have you tried motion sickness bands, morning sickness lozenges, vitamin B6, acupuncture?
When you are sick over a dozen times in a day, yes I have tried absolutely everything. You’d be amazed how many people have used these last 3 months to tell me just how much they personally hate vomiting.
It is my least favorite sickness to have. Ugh, I just hate it.
You are not an anomaly. With the exception of professional hot dog eaters, absolutely everyone, including me, hates throwing up.
It is not a time to tell your vomiting stories.
Please don’t tell me about that one time you tried the fish tacos out of a food truck in Fort Lauderdale and got food poisoning from both ends for 2 days. Not only does the idea of fish tacos actively bring my breakfast up into my mouth, but now I can’t stop picturing you on the toilet.
The irony is not lost on me that the title of my blog is Wit and Spit-Up and I’ve accepted that bodily fluids are simply a part of my everyday life. I knew the gamble we were taking purposefully wanting a third when I’ve had this condition with my past two-- however this is simply how my body creates the world's most wonderful daughters. And so, I look forward to the days when we are back to the wit and done with the spit-up.