For those of you that claim to love your pets as much as you did before you had kids, you don't have to lie anymore, they can't hear you. Call me an irresponsible pet owner if you must, but the order of operations at home goes first the tiny humans and then the irritating beasts. Our dogs were our babies before our babies arrived. We posed with them for 2 Christmas card photos before they got bumped to the stamp picture on the envelop-- as trying to make 4 humans and 2 dogs look presentable for a picture is the very definition of herding cats. I cannot tell you how many times we have come up with a plan of action simply to have it end with “oh crap, the dogs…” Your laundry list as a mom is already too long, I don't enjoy doing my dog's laundry too when they decide to eat my kid's crayons and then I have to scrub Mango Tango orange or Electric Lime green poop out of the rug.
Since having children, our beagle is inexcusably fat. She will tolerate any amount of eye gouging or tail pulling if it comes with a bowl of goldfish crackers. She somehow always finds a way to jump on the table after mealtime and yet getting up on the bed is simply too much of an effort and requires a grunt loud enough to wake the house. Last week my kids were finding yet another way to terrorize our pets by trapping them in the bathroom and some 5 hours later we only noticed we were one pet short because my 20 month old looked up from her book to ask, "Where did Lola go?"
The other day my sister in-law texted me that her 90 pound yellow lab got into the garbage again while tracking mud through the living room all while she was attempted to feed her two children under 2 and it read, "Today during nap time I wrote the re-homing Craigslist ad in my head". I responded with "I can send you the draft I already have saved and we could offer a 3 for 1 special."
Even as I'm typing this post, our Cocker Spaniel has been circling under the tunnel my legs are creating between our two couches. I couldn't figure out why and then I realized it's because it must feel like I'm "petting" her. Don't worry Madeleine attempted to ride her for 20 minutes earlier and so she got a lot of additional "pets" today. In between moments of my kids attempting to flop their ears the wrong direction and eat their dog food—having pets and young children is a lot an ice cream sundae with fudge brownies and caramel sauce-- there can be such thing as too much of a good thing.
Before you send the SPCA over to our home you should know, we actually love our dogs and our girls really love our dogs and if we could figure out a way to safely use our dogs as babysitters like they do with "Nana" the dog in Peter Pan then they would truly be considered "man's best friend".