Week 7
Now that the girls are “whindeling” down to the week before hometowns, it’s time to get serious. Which means it would be helpful to spend some alone time with the guy who is going to potentially meet your parents as your “boyfriend”.
They all head to Peru and Peter picks Madi for another one-on-one. He immediately checks-in, not with her or her emotional well-being, but to make sure she’s digging his hideous scar from his hideously embarrassing golf cart incident.
There were only two notable parts of their date, the first of which is after carefully reviewing the “here’s how to make it to the end handbook” she throws caution to the wind and opts to not do the running- jump-leg-wrap-around located conveniently located in section 1A, proving she is a woman of her own free will. Well, besides the fact that her Dad, and eventually her husband, is a vessel of God who will tell her exactly how to live her life. Peter isn’t exactly smelling what she’s cookin’, but it’s hard to understand her through her valley girl “likes” and tarantula eyelashes. Nevertheless, she’s in!
Peter finally picks Natasha for a one-on-one and after making out with her all day and hearing that her last boyfriend dumped her because she was “too intense” he quickly stuck her in the friend-zone.
Kelsey and Peter go four-wheeling through the countryside, while wearing helmets that make them both look like newly circumcised male genitalia.
Kelsey manages to make it the entire day without crying, until she explains her dysfunctional family dynamic just loud enough for the producers’ ears to perk up and give her a free ride to hometowns.
During the three-on-one, instead of recognizing that anyone who still puts hearts above their i’s probably isn’t mature enough for marriage, Peter opts to move Hannah Ann along to the next round.
Victoria F. is just a miserable human being. Can’t wait to see how she was spawned and meet her other ex's like Bradley Cooper or Bono.
Kelley, a mature lawyer incapable of any vocal inflection past middle C, was more disappointed about not getting to ride an alpaca in Peru, than she was being sent home.
Good news folks, we are one step closer to sweet Mama Barbara being the voice of reason for her son, who never should have been allowed to make his own decisions.