The Sister Seesaw

In between playing referee and crisis manager, I get to play my favorite role: happy observer. Hearing my kids giggle and play games with each other is every parent of two’s ultimate goal and perhaps my single biggest selling point in convincing my mommy partners in crime that having a second isn't totally insane. Having two is a perpetual seesaw of up and down where you are the midpoint; always striving for a balance.  

The first thing everyone said when I told them we were having another girl (besides “Oh is your husband disappointed?”) was they will be so close growing up! I knew this would be true because I absolutely adore my older sister, although I do have several scars from our weekly wrestling matches. But it is one thing to dream it and it is another to actually witness it.

When they said my oldest would become “Mommy’s little helper” I assumed they too were only fluent in the language of sarcasm. Aside from her regular role as official toy stealer and snack regulator, Charlotte has helped Madeleine learn to walk and is in the process of teaching her to talk. I know they love one another, but I think they are actually starting to like each other. 

Expressions that Should be Trademarked for Parents

There are somethings we say casually in our BC (Before Children) lives that we shouldn't be allowed to say until the arrival of kids. I actually feel ridiculous that I ever said any of these things as a single, childless, carefree woman. I’m embarrassed. The following need to be trademarked expressions reserved for parents (patent pending). 

I’m tired

If being tired were an Olympic Sport parents would get bronze, silver, and gold. But you wouldn't actually get to keep the metal since it’s shiny, so it obviously goes directly in your kid's mouth and then they’ll want to whip each other with it.

I need a day off

You cannot take a sick day from being a parent. Try telling your toddler that you don’t feel well. You’ll get one sticky pat on the face and then they’ll tell you to go make them a grilled cheese.

I have a song stuck in my head

It would be a gross under-exaggeration to say that we listen to Pharrell's Happy 100 times a day. That's actually a slow day for us. 

I’m losing my mind

I used to say this waiting in line at Starbucks or when my favorite novel was about to come out on the big screen. I now reserve that statement for a double car meltdown while stuck in traffic, when I desperately need to pee. 

I’m losing my patience

Before having children everyone should rescue 7 geriatric dogs, during a weekend of food poisoning, while trying to learn a second language and then you can experience one tenth of the patience it requires to raise a child. For two children double the amount of dogs and add a blind ferret. 

When my audience most days is a 10 month old and a 2 and a half year old, I get no sympathy whatsoever, but I do get lots of love. 

THE FUNNY PLACES MY MIND GOES WHEN MY 9 MONTH OLD STARTS WALKING

So when I have my baby, that I literally just gave birth to yesterday, taking six steps in the kitchen chasing after a long-lost orange, I can see flashes of what lies ahead of us and this is where my mommy mind goes…

Someday they will be weeping over the lead singer of the latest boy band with bad hair and a baby face and I will say he is “cute” and they’ll tell me, “Ewww Mom, you are so old”.

Someday my two teenage daughters will come to me as a united front on some “important” issues like getting a cell phone or when they will be allowed to start shaving their legs.  

Someday they will beg me for a body piercing because “Edward” at their high school said it would look “sexy” (yes my generation of moms have actually named their children after characters from Twilight #TeamJacob).

Someday they will come to me asking if they can take a year off before college to “find themselves” and backpack through Europe with their best friend because their “cool” parents already said yes.

Someday I will drop both of my children off at school and realize that this is how other people survive having 5 kids. 

Someday they will start playing a musical instrument and it’ll sound truly terrible but I’ll have to clap, cheer, and pretend they are Mozart.

Someday our entire weekend will be filled with softball or volleyball tournaments and we'll have to get some sort of sport utility vehicle just to carry all the chairs, umbrellas and enormous personalized cheering banners I'll have made with the sole purpose of embarrassing my girls. 

My sister and I are guilty of all of these and so unfortunately I know it is not a matter of if, but when. Someday these things will happen, thankfully though, someday is not today.