A Few of my Favorite Things

A friend of mine who's expecting her first baby recently asked me my favorite thing about having kids. It took me a second to respond since in that particular moment Madeleine was busy putting peanut butter on her dress, while Charlotte was scooping dirt onto her pants and every part of me wanted to answer "all the laundry".  If you’ve followed my journey from the beginning you know I don’t believe in sugar coating, since it is far too sticky and that just becomes one more thing I have to clean up. So here is an honest list of the ever-growing things I love about having kids.

1). Children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most frustrating qualities sent from heaven to test your patience and provide endless amounts of karmic hilarity.

2). On the flip-side, your children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most wonderful qualities sent from heaven to bring everyone joy.  

3). Your children are walking, talking, pooping little blobs of love. All day, every day you will experience some form of love from them. Whether it be a kiss, a laugh, or a loaded diaper with a smile. 

4). Just when you're ready to be fitted for a straight jacket, your child will do something so epically adorable that (almost) all will be forgiven.

5). Whenever I’m having a bad day I just take my kids out in the world to watch strangers admire, compliment, or attempt to squish their little cheeks and I use this as a metaphorical pat on the back that I must be doing something right as a mom.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

Dang, Darn, Drat!

Let's face it, when you stub your toe or your toddler discovers the nail polish and decides to “color” on the carpet, “darn” doesn't quite pack the same punch as other four letter words. Since I have a tiny, adorable parrot on my hands I must watch my words now more than ever; however these days I seem to be presented with so many more opportunities for profanity. 

1). When your baby puts a handful of playground sand straight into her mouth and you go to retrieve it, only to find more. 

2). The first time your child discovers how to remove their own diaper and naturally it's not a #1. 

When you dress your kids in darling matching outfits and put them in a sunflower field to capture a magical moment and your toddler uses this opportunity to poke her sister in the eye with hay.

3). Turning around to find your child licking a stray toy on the floor of the doctor’s office.

4). Your toddler pulling marinara sauce off a high shelf at the supermarket and you're busy searching for the pasta with extra gluten. 

5). Watching your healthy baby share snacks with a boogery child from across the room.

6). Walking into an non-childproofed all-white house, and your kids are packin’ fully loaded diapers and peanut butter fingers.

7). Unbeknownst to you, your toddler has had access to the sunscreen in her car seat for the entire 20 minute journey.

8). When your toddler's hair is soaking wet and the only access she's had to water is the toilet. 

9). Upon entering the kitchen you see your baby's legs Wicked Witch of the West style stuck in the doggie dog. 

10). When you accidentally swear in front of your two year old. 

Why 2 Year Olds Make Terrible Babysitters

Sometimes I can see the appeal of having your children 10 years apart, so your 10 year old can be mommy’s helper as opposed to Charlotte’s current role: the ultimate baby antagonizer. Don’t get me wrong she can be helpful, loving, and sweet with her sister, but when I let them “play” the following shenanigans are guaranteed to unfold:

1). Playful rough housing that ends in using the baby as an ottoman or step stool.

2). Dress-up that leads to temporary blindness and the inappropriate bending of limbs.

3). Random toddler toy inspections that result in immediate relocation.

4). Drive-by kissing and hugging where no one can be left standing.  

5). Musical chairs with mommy’s lap where there can only be one winner. 

6). Following the Golden Rule that girls must always go to the bathroom in pairs.

7). The dedication and follow through my toddler shows in ensuring her sister “laughs ‘til she cries”.

8). A 50/50 shot as to whether or not the item in transit will ever make it to the baby.

9). Most importantly, ensuring the baby remains humble when reaching her achievements and milestones.