To my darling Charlotte on her 2nd birthday

Never could I have imagined that when they handed you to me for the first time what an amazing personality lay within you. You know your own boundaries, which let’s face it, most adults have yet to master. You are strong willed and yet incredibly loving. You quite literally dance to your own beat. You adore books, building, and all things silly. Your smile and laugh are contagious. God decided to break all the rules and give with both hands as there is no match for your beauty, besides your sister of course. 

People told me that I’d enjoy watching you and your sister together. Honestly, I wasn’t sure, because I worried I’d be too overwhelmed. Instead, every day I am overwhelmed by the love you have for each other. You’ve accepted your role as big sister head on, and at the age of 20 months, you were able to immediately find room in your heart to share your life with Madeleine. I now understand how aptly we have named you. You are indeed full of Grace.

It is an honor to be your mother, my love. 

22 WAYS YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE LIVING WITH A TODDLER

1). You don’t put the toilet paper on the roll and it’s not out of laziness.

2). You have to eat dessert in your pantry because you don’t want to share.

3). You feel like Elmo’s voice was created as punishment for sins you must have committed in a past life.

4). Yes I would like some cheese with that whine.

5). At any adult function you find yourself humming the song from their favorite light up toy.

6). You’ve probably already used the phrase “let’s keep our pants on” at least twice today.

7). They can sense when bedtime is approaching and will instantly lay on the charm.

8). Their favorite food from yesterday is now grotesque and officially offensive.

9). Kisses are better than Band-Aids, but not better than stickers.

10). You did absolutely nothing to help the drought in California since bath time could last for hours or until the hot water ran out.

11). All small chairs shall be called “potties”.

12). Play dates are now a gamble ever since sharing was invented.

13). Everyday you play a game called “disguise the vegetables”.

14). Your days of using curse words are over, hello “shoot” and “darn”.

15). When other people use the expression “Terrible Twos” you kind of want to punch them a little bit.

16). You have to apologize to strangers who smile and say hi because all they get in return is the stink eye.

17). There are only one or two particular books on the agenda and the rest are simply unacceptable.

18). At any given moment a spontaneous dance party could breakout.

19). Quiet places are for screaming.

20). It is the worst day of their life because you gave them the red cup instead of the green one. Oh look, bubbles!

21). Bubbles.

22). It’s their world and you are just lucky to be living in it.

MY WORLD

The Top 5 Questions We’ve All Asked, BC (Before Children)

Now, for your entertainment purposes: asked and answered.

1). Question: Don't you ever wipe their face?

Answer: To answer this question you must first determine how you feel about tears, screaming, and being swatted. God help you if you have to blow their nose.

2). Question: Why are their clothes always dirty?

Answer: From the moment they get up in the morning the gravitational pull of dirt, food, and dog hair shifts in the room towards your child's clothes. And as we all know, you can’t fight gravity.

3). Question: Why does a baby have so much stuff?

Answer: For something that is roughly the size of a small poodle, their wardrobe is easily quadruple the size of yours and your husband’s combined. Slowly but surely you will have to remove one item that fits an adults sized tushie to make way for something that only fits a baby’s, until every visitor is forced to sit on the floor while your baby floats comfortably in a Mamaroo that costs more than what that guy from Craigslist paid you for your couch.

4). Question: How hard could it really be?

Answer: Remember that incredibly annoying drunk person on your dorm floor Freshmen year that you, being the responsible one, always ended up babysitting? They thought it would be fun to climb on the back of your couch, singing the lyrics to “Do you know the Muffin Man”, half naked, with cereal spraying out of their mouth. This is your life 24/7.

5). Questions: Why can’t parents talk about anything besides their kids?

Answer: To us, nothing else is even half as interesting. My oldest daughter is learning the ABCs and my youngest giggles when you lift her over your head and I made those people, but please tell me again how “awesome” your burrito was yesterday.

Of course AD (After Darlings) they’ll be lots more questions such as, was there ever a match to this sock or how can they call it a 4 month sleep regression when they were never sleeping through the night in the first place? Just wait until your children can talk and then I'm sure they will be happy to take over the question and answer portion of the program.