Pregnant with a Toddler...The Truth

Meet my new friend Sarah and enjoy her tales of surviving two under two. Check her out at Dancing in the Rain: Musings on Motherhood:

https://dancingintherainmusingsonmotherhood.wordpress.com

My husband was away on a business trip when I found out. After a week of being sick I was still feeling nauseous every night to the point all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. My mother in-law had called to check in on J and I that afternoon, and jokingly suggested I take a pregnancy test when I answered her inquiry about how I was feeling. Although I was pretty sure the outcome would be negative, I took one any way. Four tests later, I stood staring at them lined up on the back of the toilet as my ten month old unwound the toilet paper. I had too many thoughts going around in my head to even attempt to correct him- according to these tests I was most definitely pregnant.

Being pregnant with a toddler under two can rattle even the calmest of mothers (and I'm definitely not even close to the calmest of mothers). How can you possibly juggle another human? You were just getting a handle on having one little person to care for and now you're going to have TWO? Of course my husband and I were shocked and overjoyed to be welcoming another baby to our family, but we were also scared to death! We oscillated between telling ourselves this time would be so much easier and wondering what had made us think we were qualified to raise tiny humans.

Now that we are six months in to being parents of two under two, I'm happy to report that our fears were largely unfounded. Everyone has survived (mostly) unscathed. Neither the husband nor I have completely lost our sanity and both boys are clean, fed, and dressed routinely- daily even! Quite impressive if I do say so myself. If you find yourself in this same situation, allow me to share some pearls of wisdom with you that I've gathered over the last six months. 

One of the biggest worries I had was how I was going to manage to get two kids out of the house. I've never been a punctual person, although I do try (most of the time), and I struggled to get anywhere even remotely close to on time after my first was born. Let me share a secret with you: you will find a way to maintain your status quo. I find that with two kids I am no later than I was when I had one. In fact, if anything, I've become more punctual. The less time you have to waste (and you won't have any to waste at all) the better you will become at managing it. 

You'll also probably learn to let a few more things slide. With my first kiddo, there is absolutely no way I would have left the house with him in his pajamas. With two kids, I'm much more apt to let my youngest leave the house in not only pajamas, but anything that's clean and fits. 

The other big fear that I had throughout my second pregnancy was that I would miss the one-on-one time I had with my oldest son. I was keenly aware both that this would be the last time we would spend our days just the two of us. I loved spending our days together; running errands, playing, reading, just enjoying his company and getting to know this wonderful little human. I worried that with a new baby, who would need a lot of my time and attention, I wouldn't have time for these special moments and that our bond wouldn't be as strong. I was worried that he would resent his new brother, that he would miss my undivided attention and that he was too young to understand all of the changes in his life. 

I'm not going to say that none of those things happened. He did, and sometimes still does, have a hard time sharing my love and attention with his younger brother. What I didn't understand though was that he would be in complete awe of his younger brother. That he would love him and work to make him laugh when he's crying, to lavish him with hugs and kisses, try to sneak him pieces of his crackers and sips of his juice. I couldn't have foreseen how beautiful the love between my sons would be and how it would warm my heart. 

I also couldn't fully appreciate how I would come to treasure the opportunities to spend one on one time with one of my boys. I can't give them each my undivided attention every waking hour, but those moments where I get to be alone with each of them are that much more special. A friend of mine summed it up perfectly when she said the day she became a mother, her heart grew three sizes. That was true when my first son was born, but my heart grew exponentially when I became a mom the second time.

Parenthood: Join Us, Won't You?

I get giddy whenever I see a random person from high school or college post the obligatory first ultrasound photo on Facebook. I want everyone I know to have children. Strike that, I want everyone that wants to have children to have children. My reasons are purely selfish, but some are sincere and mostly genuine. Parenthood is the cliquiest of the most non-exclusive club. Join us, won’t you? 

WE NOW HAVE NO LIFE AND WOULD LIKE YOU NOT TO EITHER

For every adorable picture of my daughter I post while in bed at 7pm on a Friday, I see ten more of my friends at bars, on yachts, or traveling the world. We get it; your glamourous child-free life is simply fabulous. Now knock it off and reproduce already.

A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE RIDICULOUS

While taking our daily stroll to go get the mail, my daughter decided that our neighbors’ driveway was the prime location to take off her poopy diaper. Naturally I texted a fellow mom friend: “I don’t want to brag but my 16 month old is pretty much potty trained” and then proceeded to share the exciting news (no I didn’t send a picture, we do have some boundaries). She congratulated me on a parenting job well done. I could never text this to a friend without children because not only would they not understand, but they’d never want to live next door.

THERE IS JUST NO WAY TO DESCRIBE THE LOVE

Picture how much you love your partner and then imagine creating something with them that comes from both of you, then multiple it by like a million. Or if your partner is annoying you at the moment, think about how much you love your dog (don’t have a dog? We are no longer friends and you are probably miles away from being ready to have a baby and you should probably invest in a hard to kill houseplant to start out). I now understand why my parents like me so gosh darn much and always want to be around me no matter how annoying I can get. I also feel like I somehow understand human beings more because everyone is someone’s child. This sounds cheesy and like a Heal the World Celebrity Telethon, but every parent is nodding their head yes because they get it. 

There is a moment that I like to share with other parents where we are holding our children or participating in something that is centered around them and we make eye contact just for one second. In that instant we give each other a look that says, “How incredible is this?” Sure that moment doesn’t happen when our children are pooping, screaming, and tantrumming in the middle of Target because I won’t buy bubbles from the $1 bin, since we’ve tried them already and they are total crap, but that’s when we give the look that says, “I know. I’ve been there” and the minute passes and then we blink and everything is back to incredible. 

Rockin' Round Two

Apparently the key to a healthy pregnancy is having a toddler. Sure it is challenging to carry a baby while literally carrying a baby, but I’ve decided to reserve the whining for labor and those first few weeks of mommyhood 2.0. Instead, I’ve created a list of ways that Charlotte is already proving to be a very helpful big sister. 

1). She keeps us hydrated

Charlotte thinks drinking out of a “big girl” cup aka my cup is much more entertaining than any sippy cup, which means I don’t drink water, I chug it, and then leave her a sip so she can backwash and then use it to "splash" or wash hands.

2). She regulates our meals

Everything I eat suddenly becomes more desirable and more delicious to Charlotte than whatever repulsive items I put on her tray (never mind that they are the same). So rather than eating for two, my portions are now cut in half. Also, I don’t want Charlotte eating sweets, and since being a mother means what is mine is always hers, I have to hide in the pantry or wait until she’s in bed, which by that time I am just so grateful to have made it to bedtime, I have completely forgotten about the peanut butter ice cream in the freezer.

3). She keeps me fit

It is recommended that pregnant women get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. I am not physically able to sit for longer than 30 minutes on any given day which means the majority of the day I am on my feet moving, dancing and chasing Charlotte up the stairs or carrying Charlotte down the stairs. So our day looks a lot like this (except exchange Raffi and Disney music for the inappropriate rap song (but no judgement):

4). She inspires sleep

As was said in Juno, “Pregnancy can often lead to an infant” and while I knew this on my first go around, I couldn’t really understand it. I quickly learned that sleep deprivation is a newborn’s way of telling you that they love you and just want to be around you all the time. I now attempt to bank my sleep with the naïve hope that that savings will somehow carry me through the first few months.  

5). She accelerates time

When I was pregnant with Charlotte time moved in slow motion. I had 40 weeks’ worth of aches, complaints, and fears. I’m already in my 3rd trimester and I haven’t had a moment to wallow in my migraines or research the statistical likelihood that my child will be born with an extra finger (I didn't even know to worry about this until my ultrasound tech told me she "always counts fingers ever since her sister's baby was born with seven on one hand"). 

Since being pregnant with a toddler is going so incredibly well, I am sure that having a baby and a toddler can only follow suit. Right?