Say What?

Charlotte’s first official word is “bath”. Not “Mama” or “Dada”, but “bath”. I cannot be offended though, since I’m to blame. I created a water baby by taking her to swim lessons at 2 months old. I was prepared for the screams that we heard about at our newborn care class at Kaiser, but this was never the case with Charlotte. Some of her best newborn smiling pictures are in her little baby tub just naked and happy.

Charlotte recently recovered from roseola, which sounds a lot more beautiful than it is. She got a fever and ended the virus with a little rash on her tummy. During this time she learned how to be incredibly clingy; so much so she actually forgot how to walk for a day and resorted to just flopping around on the floor like a goldfish who knows how to scream. So you can imagine my surprise when today, on a very healthy day, Charlotte started crying in the bath. Please no, not my one location of sanity. I picked her up and towel dried her off and then the water works truly began. We have been exceptional with communication lately. I can ask her, “What does the doggie say?” “How big is Charlotte?” “Where is your tongue?” And she has a response to every one. Sadly, we have yet to come up with a code phrase for, “Mom, I am pooping in the towel and it feels weird”. Smart girl! She knew better than to soil bath time. 

Proceed with Caution

My baby is now walking. I can no longer even call her a baby since she is officially a child who toddles. Several months ago my sister in-law sent me a picture of a safety helmet for a baby to wear around the house. She said she was looking for baby proofing items to register for and laughed out loud when she came across this. 

http://www.amazon.com/Jolly-Jumper-Bumper-Toddler-Cushion/dp/B003KVWKZO/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1422935317&sr=1-1&keywords=toddler+safety+helmet

I showed it to my husband while he shook his head and I giggled excessively at the name, “Jolly Jumper Bumper Bonnet” which, from a marketing standpoint is pure genius, because you and I both know we are looking at a helmet. It’s like calling a baby leash a “child safety tether”.

I want to say that only severely over-cautious parents (10s on the anal retentive scale of worry) would ever purchase this for a child. If you recall from my previous blogs, I am holding strong at a 5. However, it is taking every ounce of my will power not to buy this for Charlotte, who in her new walking mode, looks like a baby giraffe discovering its legs. A helmet seems like a more practical safety solution than turning my house into one big padded cell.  I would go to the ends of the Earth to keep my child safe: top of the line car seats, outlet covers, toilet seat locks, vaccinations and perhaps even the Jolly Jumper Bumper Bonnet. It’s in my Amazon cart and I am only one more trip or bump away from ordering it. Where do we draw the line on baby proofing and safety? Regardless of where that line is, one thing I know for certain, Charlotte will still manage to trip over it.

Lessons Learned

Mommy school has been in session for over 11 months now and here's what I've learned so far...

1). My love has no limit but my patience does

Charlotte will shriek eight to ten times in a half hour period, at an octave that could shatter glass. It is not cute or fun, but she has one dimple and I love her.

2). Opinions are like poopers, everyone has one

Please tell me all about your secret recipe to increase my milk supply. It sounds delicious!

3). There is no such thing as the perfect anything

Mother, baby, 1st birthday party. Leave wiggle room for error and throw a dance party for the small victories.

4). I am madly in love with my family

I don’t believe in "better halves" or in couples becoming “complete” when they get married or have a family. These clichés should be left to bad country songs where they belong. I love that there is now a person in this world who is half me and half my husband and that's a fraction I am comfortable with. 

5). Children put everything in perspective

Whether it is a petty fight about the organization of the silverware drawer or thinking about losing my grandpa this year, when I blow on Charlotte’s tummy and she laughs, I know I’ve struck some sort of gold nirvana and I allow myself to just feel happy.

6). Pain is a relative term

I no longer believe in the concept of “I can’t”. Motherhood has made me feel superhuman and I am therefore limitless.

7). There shouldn’t be a timeline for happiness

This year I turned 30 and I have heard too many times, “…when the baby comes” "...by the time I’m.....” “...when I have my ducks in a row”. How about now?  Now, feels pretty damn good people.

 

When Charlotte makes this face she's about to put something inedible in her mouth (in this case a leaf).

8). I need to give myself a break

Today I yelled at my daughter for shrieking too much, which makes about as much sense as spanking a child for hitting. This of course made her cry and now I feel like what I just wiped off her bottom. Kindly refer to #3.

9). Sometimes life isn’t fair

 The fact that Parenthood is in its final season makes me cry like I’m watching an episode of Parenthood. There have been 28 seasons of The Bachelor, but Parenthood only gets 6?

10). If my daughter thinks I’m funny, that’s all I need

Yesterday my daughter poked me in the boob and giggled for a minute. I will always come in a close second to our dogs but I've made my peace with that.

11). Becoming a mother has changed me

I’ve found that even in the darkest crevasses of motherhood, I’ve learned something new about myself. I am less anxious but more scared; softer and yet stronger. I'm kinder because my sarcasm is now more passive than aggressive and (fingers crossed) more influential. 

I realize my mommy education has only just begun and whether it inspires me toward wit, wisdom or wretchedness, stay tuned for more milestones and meltdowns.