They have me Outnumbered

Now that I have two completely mobile, completely toddler children, I feel completely outnumbered. Being the overachieving mom that I am, I signed both my girls up for a gymnastic class through the city. In the past, I’ve managed to keep Madeleine contained in the front pack, but this time I knew I’d have to bite the bullet and pay the extra $50 to have her participate too. One of the benefits of having my kids ridiculously close together means I can take advantage of classes clumped by their age groups, even if I have to get special permission. Luckily, powers of persuasion is one of my mommy super powers:

Poop goes in the potty.

No officer I wasn’t talking on my cellphone while driving, I was handing my daughter goldfish in the backseat. But aren’t they just adorable?

In all of my planning I didn’t actually think through the two of them and one of me concept until we arrived for circle time and it all went to hell in a circle shaped handbasket. Having children under the age of 3 sit for any period longer than 30 seconds requires a lollipop the size of their head or some sort of sparkly glittery disco ball which plays any music that makes adult's ears bleed. Believe it or not stretching will not hold my kids attention, especially when there is an obstacle course and trampoline directly behind where they are “sitting”. Once we actually got to play, all of the other moms were very concerned about “the baby”, the only mom not concerned was me because I know my second child can tumble with the best of them. Between Charlotte having to use the potty, Madeleine taking a spill down the trampoline and me not being able to tend to two children at once-- I was beyond thrilled when it was time for bubbles. The bubbles lured them into the same location for two whole minutes, which was just enough time to pat myself on the back and squint my eyes so the looks of sympathy could be blurred into looks of admiration. We left without any meltdowns and without having anyone say to me every mom’s least favorite phrase, “looks like you have your hands full”. They might have me outnumbered, but that just means twice the fun. 

The Kids are Alright

In the past few weeks I’ve had the chest cold from hell, my wisdom teeth removed and then topped it all off with food poisoning. I have been out of parenting commission this week (thanks to my amazing husband) so I've been binge watching Shameless with some scary versions of parenthood. I've had nothing but time to ponder the new year and my own personal goals for what I’m trying to achieve with this uphill battle called "Motherhood". I’m terribly flawed with too short a fuse, but I have an entire ocean of love for my girls that could never possibly run dry.

This morning I picked myself up from my food poisoning coma and took the kids to a Music Together class after Stroller Strides and I left feeling giddy with all the good mommy feels. My children were dancing with colorful scarves while 16 other kids were giggling and spinning around them to music. Next everyone picked up their pots, spoons and homemade shakers which was an effective means of exorcising any last 2016 demons that may have been still lingering in a 10 mile radius. It was a level of organized hippie chaos that I had yet to experience.

I had great plans as a stay at home mom to make sure every day we'd engage in some sort of enriching activity whether it be music or dance, sign language or gymnastic, my children would be as well rounded as the drum circles we would most definitely be a part of. Haha, my child-free self was so organized and delusional. In reality, we have done gymnastic, playgroups, Stroller Strides and park outings (to name a few) but everyday isn’t a pupu platter of prefrontal cortex development and I’ve made my peace with that. I give myself a parenting gold star if I survive the 30 minutes it takes us just to get dressed for this 30 degree morning weather. I am confident I’m helping to build the necessary neural synapses in my tiny humans whether it be with a book, a kiss, or on that rare occasion we make it to a rhythmic toddler drum circle, where baby-clothing is optional and it’s BYOD (bring your own drum). 

17 LOLS TO GET YOU TO 2017

Let's be honest, 2016 was rough. We could all use a few more LOL moments to carry us into next year. Here are 17:

1). When your child turns to you and finally asks about the fish that have been dead for 6 months.

2). When you spend date night discussing at what age our kids will be able to fully digest raisins.

3). My two year old hanging off the roof of her car yelling, "Safety first".

4). When people text me at 8am and ask if they woke me up.

5). The checker at the grocery store asking me with a straight face as my oldest dumps out the entire contents of a box of cereal, while my youngest is repeating, “Mommy, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mom” if I had a relaxing holiday.

6). Parenting is like 90% worrying that your kid is choking while the other 10 is spent with your fingers in their mouth checking.

7). “Go away, Mom. We are being safe.”

8). When the doctor hands you your second child and tells you that it is important for you to get lots of rest.

9). My favorite child will be whichever one learns how to locate and put on her shoes first.

10). Charlotte finding me in the bathroom to tell me, “I put the lotion in the basket.”

11). What is it like living in a house with three girl humans and two girl dogs? Hairy. It’s hairy.

12). In my 3 seconds of free time I have each day I think about all the money we could save on our next house if we just didn’t bother putting doors on all the bathrooms.

13). Friend: What do you do while Charlotte is at preschool?

Me: I usually spend the 45 minutes having a moral dilemma hovering over the trash deciding which glued macaroni “art projects” she made the day before in class are worth saving and which she won’t notice have gone missing.  

14). When you find a typo in someone else's holiday card and you are filled with the same entitled smugness that your 2 year old has year-round.

15). Friend: What did you get your youngest for Christmas?

Me: Whichever toy my oldest throws on the ground first.

16). My most productive time of the day is when my kids wake up from nap and when I decide to get them from their rooms.

17). Charlotte: "Mom, I need help." (Takes my hand)

Me: "With what?"

Charlotte: "I have poop on my hands."

Parenthood is a veritable alphabet soup of hilarity. I can only imagine the bowl of fun we'll have in 2017.