Talk the Talk

Once your child starts talking…it seems they never stop. This is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because most of the things they say are hilarious- on our trip to the beach Charlotte called the ocean "too big bath" and seagulls "baby chickens". A curse because there will be many instances of public embarrassment- Charlotte’s favorite expression, “Mommy’s all done pumping” (referring to when I pump milk for Madeleine) sounds like, “Mommy’s all done pooping”. Fear not, just when you are tempted to invest in a sound proof room, here is a list of communication benefits your family can enjoy from having a talking toddler.

1). Everything from bedtime to bath time can and will be negotiated. 5 more minutes. Not right now. Just think of how helpful this will be once they pass the Bar Exam.

2). What did you do before you had your own personal narrator?

Mommy taking shower now.

Mommy all done hair drying.

Mommy putting pants on.

Maybe one day you can aspire to have your own theme music. 

3). You are pretty sure that if someone even mentions the name “Donald Trump” one more time you might be forced to relocate your family to Canada. Luckily your toddler can only ever talk about themselves, much like "The Donald", and they care as much about this election as they do about what's waiting for you in their diaper.

4). Miley Cyrus’ music video for “Wrecking Ball” was on MTV yesterday and it was the first time I had seen it (I know I’m late to this party). I have no idea why she needs to be naked and molesting demolition equipment, but it sure did make me grateful for the wholesome family music that my daughter sings over and over.

5). Maybe you didn't hear me the first time? Your toddler will make sure to repeat and rephrase. Perhaps a career in politics will be in their future supporting the issues that really matter.

Popsicle. 

Mommy, popsicle. 

Please Mommy, popsicle. 

6). In case you are becoming too confident in your parenting abilities your toddler will make sure to point out exactly what needs to be done so you stay humble.

Baby is crying. 

Baby take a nap. 

Mommy, cup is empty.

Sometimes we do miss the silence but mostly we hang on every word and if you missed it the first time, don't worry, they will make sure to tell you again.

Everything is a 10

There is no off button. No volume control, no mute. Everything is a 10. Every moment your toddler is awake they are experiencing emotions at a 10. The good news is this goes for frustration, but also excitement; anger but also joy. In case you are not yet living in this reality, or it feels like a distant memory, I will present some examples of a normal everyday scenario for a child and the scenario that would have to happen in order for an adult to emote an equivalent emotional response.

Excitement

Child: Anything that involves bubbles.

Adult: You found out you won an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii, and your parents offered to watch the kids.

Anger

Child: It’s time to get out of the bath.

Adult: You are standing in line at the DMV and your number is 102 and they just called 7.  

Anger

Child: It is time to leave the playground.

Adult: Your flight out of Alaska has been canceled and you are snowed in at the airport for two days.

Joy

Child: Anything that involves Elmo.

Adult: The moment you found out you were having a baby.

Anger

Child: They have run out of Puffs.

Adult: Your neighbors go out of town but leave their teenager home alone to throw an all-night rager, complete with house music and vomit on the sidewalk.

Frustration

Child: They have to share a toy with their sibling.

Adult: The cable guy strolls in during the last 2 minutes of his four hour window, on a Saturday.

The good news is every day for you with kids is also a 10.

The bad news is every day for you with kids is also a 10.

Reasons My Toddler Is Crying: The Sister Edition

There are a lot of emotions that come with having two very young children. It felt like we were just phasing out of the crying for no reason stage and then along came a baby and all kinds of new scenarios that will bring my toddler to (crocodile) tears. The majority of these involve the dreaded “s” word: sharing. I sense there will be a sequel "sister edition" in our future from Madeleine's perspective. 

1). She didn’t want her sister to sit in her high chair, but she didn’t want to sit in it either.

2). I wiped her sister’s nose and she sensed I was coming for her next. 

3). She couldn’t find her sister’s hand to hold it in the stroller.

4). I wouldn’t let her put stickers on her sister’s face.

5). I wouldn’t let her feed her sister by putting the spoon in her eye.

6). I brought her sister in her room to get her up after nap time.

7). I wouldn’t let her play peekaboo with her sister by smashing a teddy bear into her face.

8). I wouldn’t let her sit on her sister’s lap. 

9). She wanted to eat the pouch that her sister was eating, which was the same as the one in her hand.

10).  Her sister wanted to hold _________ (insert anything here).  

She didn't want her sister to smile for the picture.

It's a tough job being a big sister, but somebody has to cry about it.