BYOB (Bring Your Own Baby)

BC (Before Children) I was meeting a friend, who had a 5 month old, for coffee.

“So will you be bringing the baby?” I asked.

She kind of laughed and said, “Well, yeah.”

In my child-free state of mind I thought maybe she could just Mary Poppins-up a babysitter for those two hours so we could have some drool free girl talk. Was that too much to ask?

Fast forward, two children later and I can now say I have been on the receiving end of that statement and I know exactly why she laughed. No, it is not too much to ask, but I will require:

a). Notice of at least 24 hours to find childcare.

b). Some understanding that if you want to spend time with me, most of the time, my kids and I are a package deal.

c). Some damn good coffee.

In turn we understand, somewhat begrudgingly, that we will not be invited as many places. For instance, somewhere with white couches or, you know, anywhere that requires an ID.

Many weddings specifically say adults only, after all it’s their day and they probably don’t want to risk the very real possibility that just as the bride is making her entrance, your child decides that this is the best moment to sing the theme from Frozen. Some baby showers aren’t even child friendly because, ewww children.

BC, you will most definitely say to yourself the following statements:

a). I don’t want to be one of those parents that have to take their kids with them everywhere, we will need to have some quality adult time.

b). My social circle and life can’t possibly change that much.

c). My kids will be very flexible and little angels at all of our red carpet events.

Luckily the ABCs of parenthood are fluid. While the best news is you will be much too busy to keep track of all the ways the arrival of your children make your former self sound ridiculous and thankfully most days you are all too happy having your very own private party. 

My party of 4

To my darling Charlotte on her 2nd birthday

Never could I have imagined that when they handed you to me for the first time what an amazing personality lay within you. You know your own boundaries, which let’s face it, most adults have yet to master. You are strong willed and yet incredibly loving. You quite literally dance to your own beat. You adore books, building, and all things silly. Your smile and laugh are contagious. God decided to break all the rules and give with both hands as there is no match for your beauty, besides your sister of course. 

People told me that I’d enjoy watching you and your sister together. Honestly, I wasn’t sure, because I worried I’d be too overwhelmed. Instead, every day I am overwhelmed by the love you have for each other. You’ve accepted your role as big sister head on, and at the age of 20 months, you were able to immediately find room in your heart to share your life with Madeleine. I now understand how aptly we have named you. You are indeed full of Grace.

It is an honor to be your mother, my love. 

22 WAYS YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE LIVING WITH A TODDLER

1). You don’t put the toilet paper on the roll and it’s not out of laziness.

2). You have to eat dessert in your pantry because you don’t want to share.

3). You feel like Elmo’s voice was created as punishment for sins you must have committed in a past life.

4). Yes I would like some cheese with that whine.

5). At any adult function you find yourself humming the song from their favorite light up toy.

6). You’ve probably already used the phrase “let’s keep our pants on” at least twice today.

7). They can sense when bedtime is approaching and will instantly lay on the charm.

8). Their favorite food from yesterday is now grotesque and officially offensive.

9). Kisses are better than Band-Aids, but not better than stickers.

10). You did absolutely nothing to help the drought in California since bath time could last for hours or until the hot water ran out.

11). All small chairs shall be called “potties”.

12). Play dates are now a gamble ever since sharing was invented.

13). Everyday you play a game called “disguise the vegetables”.

14). Your days of using curse words are over, hello “shoot” and “darn”.

15). When other people use the expression “Terrible Twos” you kind of want to punch them a little bit.

16). You have to apologize to strangers who smile and say hi because all they get in return is the stink eye.

17). There are only one or two particular books on the agenda and the rest are simply unacceptable.

18). At any given moment a spontaneous dance party could breakout.

Uploaded by Jessica Guerrieri on 2016-02-05.

19). Quiet places are for screaming.

20). It is the worst day of their life because you gave them the red cup instead of the green one. Oh look, bubbles!

21). Bubbles.

22). It’s their world and you are just lucky to be living in it.

MY WORLD