So They Named Her Charlotte

As soon as I saw that Charlotte was in the running for the royal baby, I knew that my classically elegant, not so popular baby name was in trouble. I thought I was safe because of Prince George, but clearly Kate put her foot down on number two. Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. Obviously I’m biased, but they really hit it out of the park this time around. My name, Jessica, was the most popular baby name in the 80’s when I was born. I learned that my name wasn’t particularly distinctive and I quickly made my peace with the fact that when my teachers said "Jessica" 20% of the class turned their heads. I didn’t even recognize the beauty of my name until I was older and heard it less frequently out in the world. Now, Jessica hasn’t even graced the top 100 list in the past 5 years, and I think what a shame, it is such a lovely Shakespearian name.

When we chose Charlotte we wanted something that had about as much popularity as my husband’s name, Clark. It was not too common and was not a Blanket or Blue Ivy situation either. Of course, as a parent you truly believe with every ounce of your being that your child is unique. I don’t want my daughter in any way associated with a spider, Jane Eyre, or now a princess. There was, nor will there ever be another Charlotte like her on Earth. To me, she is the only Charlotte that matters.

My Charlotte on her throne

Here is what this little disappointment has taught me. The thing that makes Charlotte special is not her name. Her uniqueness has yet to be determined and is still unfolding before my eyes. While I have read plenty of other blogs and articles about the tragedy of Charlotte being discovered; one mom is actually contemplating changing her baby’s name, what I have yet to read is any of these moms putting on their big girl panties and getting the hell over it. Next time, name your child “Squirrel” or just the “@” symbol and then you can feel legitimately mad and territorial about its reuse. Yes it’s a royal pain, but you gotta ask yourself, who's being the baby here? 

Stick a Needle in Me: The Healing & Hilarity of Community Acupuncture

I would go to the ends of the Earth for my children and do whatever it takes to have a healthy baby and pregnancy. With both my girls I experienced extreme nausea, vomiting and headaches. I had a lot of success with acupuncture when I was pregnant with Charlotte, however it is considered an “alternative treatment” so it wasn’t covered through our insurance. In fact, when I asked my doctor if acupuncture was safe for the baby she said smugly, yes it’s safe, just as long as they are using new, clean needles. Thanks for the heads up Doc, although it is a little hard to hear you up there on your high horse atop your mountains of Western medical education. Good things she warned me, otherwise I would have made an appointment with the friendly bearded man outside the Hepatitis Clinic.

This pregnancy I found an acupuncture place that is about as hippy as I will get. It’s called “community acupuncture” and we all lay in chairs together in the same room and the “community feeling” is supposed to be beneficial and therapeutic. Let’s call a spade a spade: Paying $95 per session everywhere else once a week to be poked with needles feels a little like highway robbery and we are all trying to save a buck. For $20 a session and to be vomit free, I’d do community acupuncture in the nude if they asked me to. Let the healing begin.  

When we are all getting treated together it is impossible not to eaves drop on other people’s medical ailments. Plus, we have to sit there for 45 minutes “meditating” which is impossible because being there is like watching Grey’s Anatomy back when it was good. One woman next to me was talking loudly –apparently she didn’t get the whisper memo – and she explained to the acupuncturist just how well everything was going, but that she was still really struggling “verbally”. I cannot control my verbal compulsions. I just blurt things out and have excessive word vomit. Oh look, the grey patch on your head is getting bigger. She may need to try coming twice a week.

There was another girl, in for constipation, who looked to be about 90 pounds soaking wet. It got pretty graphic when she began—in a thick Russian accent—going into detail about her stool’s shape, color and consistency, at which point I was grateful my nausea needles were firmly in place. When all her points were in, she thanked the acupuncturist profusely adding:  I am a poop machine. Acupuncture works. Enough said.

Our Girls

Since my husband and I are about as patient as our toddler, just like we had done with Charlotte, we decided to find out at 15 weeks the gender of our second baby. Unlike with Charlotte, I allowed my mind to wander to the possibility of having a boy. The circumcision decision, tiny sailor outfits, you know the drill. Of course the great news is that there is no bad news. Two girls, or a girl and a boy, either option is life-changingly wonderful. The truth: we wanted another girl. Both of us. So when the tech said Charlotte will be getting a little sister, every member of my family was overjoyed.

As I am already versed in the inappropriate things people ask pregnant women, I’m bracing myself for the following questions:

1.       Will you try for a boy?

2.       Is your husband disappointed?

I think “trying” for a specific sex is absolutely ridiculous. We tried avoiding lemons and facing due North with a quarter moon in the sky, but somehow we ended up with another girl. Let’s just hope she likes sports and monster trucks.

In all sincerity, I asked my husband how he felt about having two daughters. His answer was simple and perfect: This is our family. Charlotte is the greatest part of our lives and soon there will be two of them. I cannot wait to see what our girls are into so I can be interested too. "Our girls", it has such a beautiful ring to it, doesn’t it?

I tried to imagine, if the tables were turned, how I would feel about having two sons. Perhaps, at times, a little ganged up on and I may fall into the toilet bowl in the middle of the night more often than not, but I would still love my life. Come September our little family will be our two (female) dogs, myself, my husband and our girls. I can think of no better man to be completely out numbered. And as I can personally attest, second daughters are just as fabulous as the first.

It's hard to imagine this kind of love times two.