Never Say Never

Here are some things I said I would never do as a mom. Save yourself some apologizes and never say never, my friend. I’ve even blogged about these very things. But I’m only human and I’ve learned that moms are allowed to be fallible since every day is a trial by fire.

1). JUDGE OTHER MOMS

I am guilty of this from just this morning! I was jogging with Charlotte and a mom in a minivan (speaking of judgment) pulled up to her house with two child’s cups and a happy meal bag from McDonald’s at 8:00am. I tripped and caught myself; Mommy Karma can be a real b. 

2). USE MY JOGGING STROLLER FOR JOGGING

I said that running was my “me time” and the stroller should be used for walks only. Enter 2015 and it turns out the only thing more Zen than running without my baby is feeling like super mom while running with her.

3). TELL MY BIRTH STORY TO PREGNANT MOMS

I can’t even remember if they asked to hear it. I think it is the most beautiful story in the world because it is how Charlotte came to be. But when I joke about the excessive nudity and the number of strangers checking out your lady parts, oddly enough, they find it more terrifying than funny.

4). BE BORED AT OTHER WOMEN’S BABY SHOWERS

I refuse to wear hats or ohh and ahhh in an octave meant for dog discipline, but I will eat cake. It is simply impossible for me not to have a running dialogue in my head that checks off all the presents which are completely impractical for newborns. My favorite is when they are purchased off their registry. That segue ways nicely into #5. 

5). DO THE CONDESCENDING SMUG-MOM LOOK

While, “Just you wait and see” is not my new catch phrase, it is quickly becoming a part of my vocabulary. When a pregnant mom says to me, “Why do you need so much stuff?” it just comes flying out of my mouth like verbal diarrhea. I don’t want to say I told you so in 2 months, but a dark part of me really does.

I no longer have any room in my life to say never. Parenting is a moving target.  If you are lucky, one day you catch up, only to realize the target walks, talks and now wants to chase you. 

I never thought a car seat could cost more than I paid for a month's rent in college.  

2015: The Year of Babies

The babies are coming! 2015 is the year of the baby and frankly I cannot wait for all of them to just hurry up and get here. I have hope for the future because so many amazing people I know have chosen to create life. It lessens the blow that Kim and Kanye are also gearing up for baby #2. Motherhood is a not-so-secret club that guarantees so many things; the first of which is absolute joy and the rest include moments of panic and pillow screaming. Clearly everyone I know sees the wonder and beauty that is Charlotte and are probably thinking, Wow, that looks awesome! You are right, it totally is. My heart knows Charlotte, but I never could have predicted the incredible little personality that is emerging. Lately she has been making random grunting noises which I am desperately trying to turn into, What does the lion say?

I cannot wait to meet all these babies and watch them grow. I especially look forward to watching so many people I love become parents for the first time. Since becoming a mom, I have yet to watch a birth on TV without weeping like I’m watching A Fault in Our Stars. I will be (and have been) a blubbering mess when it’s actually someone I know. Thankfully, I’ve not been invited into any of the delivery rooms which is semi-confusing, because if having a speedy labor were an Olympic event I’d take the gold for sure. This year Charlotte will meet her cousins, BFFs, playmates and if real life was anything like Dawson’s Creek maybe even her future husband. I wish you all safe and healthy deliveries. May your elective epidurals be as strong as your beautiful babies. 

The Motherly Instinct

I found an idea on Pinterest for an activity table using an old coffee table, so I posted the final product on Facebook. Now to be clear I did not post a picture of Charlotte licking a splintered piece of driftwood that I had just dipped in lead paint and lined with shards of glass, however the reaction was similar. My husband was excited because he had an excuse to buy a router bit to round out the edges for extra safety. I had yet to put on corner guards, give a shout out to my husband, or identify what type of environmentally friendly non-toxic paint I had used and my newsfeed was flooded with concern. I started musing that I have surrounded myself with people who exude the motherly trait. For example, I have never left to drive anywhere without my own mother reminding me to “drive safely”.  I’ve never been a reckless driver nor have I ever gotten a ticket (although I have been pulled over. Ohhhh high school!). Now that I have a daughter of my own, I completely recognize that my mom's desire to always keep me safe will never change, even though her baby has just turned 30. Everyday I have to fight the urge to plaster Charlotte in bubble wrap and buy her a helmet. 

This is how Charlotte feels about her table.

While I was a Special Ed teacher I worked with a group of women whom my co-worker and I fondly referred to as “The Mothers” because they would remind us to eat our vegetables or put on a jacket when we had bike duty. Sometimes we’d have to ask one of the mothers (Mother Mary, actually) to plug her ears if we thought a lunch time conversation topic would be too risky for her pure heart. It is unlikely I will ever fall completely under this category, but I will always do what I think is safest and best for my daughter. I remind my husband to wear his seatbelt and I only feed Charlotte organic baby food. I’d like to believe I have my own blend of maternal snark; I will always put foam corners on tables and then roll my eyes while Charlotte pulls them off and uses them as teethers.