Lately with my bedtime circling 8:30 and my religious use of sunscreen and a fiber supplement, I’m feeling old. Yes, I recognize that I am nowhere near a mid-life crisis nor can I be considered old when compared to say the Earth or Betty White. But my children have undeniably aged me. I am perpetually in a state of complete exhaustion and I am guilty of using the expression, "In my day..."
I do have some hard limits when it comes to lines I just won't cross. Lines that I believe push you into a gray mommy area that once you enter into, your hot mom card will quickly be revoked and traded in for a special placard that allows you to park anywhere with your hybrid/electric minivan. Here they are in no particular order:
The mom haircut.
There is a phrase out there that husbands everywhere dread more than, “I think it’s about time you got a vasectomy”. It's, “Honey, I chopped off all my hair because it was just getting too hard to manage.” Have you ever seen a Victoria Secret model with a pixie cut? I rest my case.
Bringing up the weather in conversation.
I appreciate that when a conversation reaches a lull it is tempting to say, "Do you believe this weather we are having?" However it is always much more interesting to sprinkle in gems about the kids such as, "Yesterday my daughter ran screaming naked through our house because our beagle wouldn't lay down next to her while she went pee pee on the potty."
Sneakers with dresses, skirts or pants.
The fact that I just called them sneakers only emphasizes my point that I'm old. Running shoes, tennis shoes or kicks should be exclusively for exercise.
For women, I believe the visor should only be worn if your name happens to be Venus or Serena. This is probably the only time you will ever hear me utter this phrase, ladies let's leave those to the men.
Drawstring high-waisted Mom jeans.
Really any flavor of jean that makes it look like you ate a large burrito for lunch, whether you actually did or not.
Do I know some awesome moms that can rock a sexy boy-cut in their minivan while listening to NPR? Well actually no, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there kicking butt and being great moms. I only know myself and so for now my hair will stay long, I’ll save my running shoes for running and allow my children to always keep me young at heart.