Small Miracles

Murphy’s Law of Parenthood states that when anything can go wrong, it will-- like when you run out of clean clothes and then go to open the dryer to find that your youngest thought this would be a fun place to store the wet play-doh. You will learn to appreciate the little miracles whenever and wherever they are presented to you by thanking God or the Tooth Fairy or whichever holy entity is responsible for nobody in my household contracting the stomach flu in over 6 months. Just in case your cup runneth over, and not in the good way, here is a list of small gifts you should remember to feel grateful for.

1). When you find shoes that all your kids can easily put on and take off themselves. Crocs are uglier than sin and look like two pieces of non-recycled plastic you know in your heart of hearts will one day be laid to rest in a landfill right next to your Keurig cups and organic pouches-- but they have given you back what will accumulate to years of your life.

2). When you get distracted in the grocery store and accidentally wander down the cookie aisle and somehow nobody notices and thus doesn’t start simultaneously tantruming while loading your cart full of junk food like an old episode of Super Market Sweep.

3). When both of your kids in the span of 3 days get stung by a bee and turns out nobody is allergic.

4). When you leave without a diaper bag or any of the $30,000 worth of crap it takes to simply exit your house while in the possession of your children and somehow nobody needs anything other than a song and a smile.

5). When you are out in a crowded space and your children instinctively reach out for each other.

Just the existence of grocery delivery services and free streaming episodes of Daniel Tiger are proof that small miracles are all around us. Sometimes you just have to wade through the boogers and laundry in order to spot them.

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A Few of my Favorite Things

A friend of mine who's expecting her first baby recently asked me my favorite thing about having kids. It took me a second to respond since in that particular moment Madeleine was busy putting peanut butter on her dress, while Charlotte was scooping dirt onto her pants and every part of me wanted to answer "all the laundry".  If you’ve followed my journey from the beginning you know I don’t believe in sugar coating, since it is far too sticky and that just becomes one more thing I have to clean up. So here is an honest list of the ever-growing things I love about having kids.

1). Children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most frustrating qualities sent from heaven to test your patience and provide endless amounts of karmic hilarity.

2). On the flip-side, your children are a special concocted blend of you and your partner's most wonderful qualities sent from heaven to bring everyone joy.  

3). Your children are walking, talking, pooping little blobs of love. All day, every day you will experience some form of love from them. Whether it be a kiss, a laugh, or a loaded diaper with a smile. 

4). Just when you're ready to be fitted for a straight jacket, your child will do something so epically adorable that (almost) all will be forgiven.

5). Whenever I’m having a bad day I just take my kids out in the world to watch strangers admire, compliment, or attempt to squish their little cheeks and I use this as a metaphorical pat on the back that I must be doing something right as a mom.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

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Parenting Problems

We don't mean to whine or complain, God knows we hear enough of that from our toddlers, but whether you have one child or ten: the struggle is real. 

Here is a list of very real problems for parents:

1). The steps involved in getting out of the house feel reminiscent to that of getting a man on the moon.  

2). You have arrived places with spit up on your clothes or in your hair and while non-parents looked at you with a face of utter repulsion you smiled and used your hand to “wipe it off”.

3). The bathroom is now a group activity: showers, baths, toilets, hand washing and when it does happen alone you feel like it was a misappropriation of your time.

4). Your house is coated in a thin layer of milk.

5). No matter how laid back you are as a parent, almost every outing feels like some sort of crisis hostage negotiation.

6). You are granted no off days which is twofold: you literally have no days off and you are not allowed to feel “off” either.

7). It can sound almost creepy the way you describe missing sleep to other people.

8). Good, bad, or ugly people find the need to comment on your “mom body”.

9). Everyone seems very concerned with how you are sleeping, but at 2 am they are nowhere to be found.

10). The idea of “sister wives” or compound living doesn’t actually sound all that crazy anymore because, frankly, you would love the extra help. 

11). Your toddler can sense when you are about to lose your mind and it's that moment they decide to flick their sibling's ear for the first time.

12). A game of peekaboo or snuggles can quickly turn into a very real thing called suffocating the baby. 

Everyday feels like a game run by tiny dictators, where you don't understand the rules and no one can explain them to you, but don't worry, they will all change again tomorrow anyways. 

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