The Things We Do

On any given day in parenthood you should consider yourself extremely lucky if you only have to do, ponder, or explain one ridiculous thing. Things, that make you hover above your own body, look down, and go how did I get here? These things include but are not limited to: flushing countless unflushed toilets, locating the tiny hat that Barbie was wearing last Tuesday, making up endless answers to questions because “I don’t know” is not an acceptable response to an inquisitive child. I think the measure of true parenting friendships these days are looking each other dead in the eyes and saying things like, “How do you get your kids to stop leaving used toilet paper all over your house?” And them nodding right along in solidarity while simultaneously adding an Amazon book to your cart entitled, “So You Think You Can Wipe”.

There are so many elements to my day that often feel too silly to be true. We would truly do anything for our children and the proof, as they say, is in the pudding… the pudding I spent 20 minutes making, only for them to decide it’s “too goopy” to eat.

 

1). Hiding every pair of pants and socks they own so my daughters will be forced to wear shorts and sandals in 100-degree heat.

2). Having to convince my 5-year-old that grapes that are “just too squishy” are still edible.

3). Pondering if “where is my _______” were made into a daily drinking game, we would surely die.

4). Claiming that the knobby bone on your ankle that sticks out is there to make you run faster.

5). Fishing a bead out of a toddler’s nose, not once, but twice…in the same day.

6). Calling poison control on 4 separate occasions for the consumption of: deodorant, hand-sanitizer, and dog’s heart-worm medication.

7). Having to Google “where does the baby poop go during pregnancy” because now the kids have me curious.

8). Having a mini-genetics lesson with one child while simultaneously trying to get the other to stop poking the baby inside their matching dimples.

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I thought I’d take a moment to share just a few of these gems, so you know that you are never alone on this amusement park ride called parenthood--with extra emphasis on the amusing.