A Valentine’s Day Poem for the Millennial Mom

It’s 2 in the morning,

I’m stuffing cards for their class.

How does every holiday

Become a pain in my ass?


The note from the school read:

“No sugar, nuts, dairy--and of course gluten-free

We don’t need to remind you,

About childhood obesity.”


Heart “cookies” for the girls

And little Legos for the dudes.

“Treats” should be baked

(Or) At the very least from Whole Foods.


Homemade cards that glitter,

Each topped with a feather.

It’s really just a contest,

To pretend we have our sh*t together.               


The goodies are completed

With cards they "helped" make.

I’m waiting for their exit,

Before I stuff my face with cake.


This holiday should be a day of compassion,

Full of sugar, friends, and our love interest.

It is not a day to out “Stepford Mom” each other,

From unobtainable goals on Pinterest.

Happy Valentine's Day from my munchkins to yours!




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