Costco and the Death of Good Parenting

Upon entering Costco, you are instantly hit with a wave of post-zombie apocalyptic warfare where everyone is just trying to survive. There is no cart etiquette, manners, or human decency of any kind and it strikes you as the perfect place for Donald Trump to register his voters.

Costco is the one store where nobody cares that I have a cart full of children. In fact, I actually feel grossly inadequate in the kids department, because only the Brady Bunch has the need for that many tortilla chips. Just like the DMV, nothing good can possibly come from a family trip to Costco, but in an effort to promote fairness I have made a pros and cons list.

The pros

Thanks to the samples I don’t have to pay for or prepare lunch.

A game of hide and seek is an excellent way to see if your child will respond to their name being called over the loud speaker.

The cons

The marketing genius behind the snack aisle recognized that by placing it 2 rows away from the checkout most parents have not only lost their will to live, but also their ability to say no.

It is not a good place to teach your kids how to form any resemblance of a straight line.

My kids don’t like anything long enough for “bulk” sizing.


Hopefully my children can make it in this world on their good looks and charm since there won’t be money left for college, when we walk in needing milk and come out with a Vitamix and four pounds of bacon. 

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