Let's face it, when you stub your toe or your toddler discovers the nail polish and decides to “color” on the carpet, “darn” doesn't quite pack the same punch as other four letter words. Since I have a tiny, adorable parrot on my hands I must watch my words now more than ever; however these days I seem to be presented with so many more opportunities for profanity.
1). When your baby puts a handful of playground sand straight into her mouth and you go to retrieve it, only to find more.
2). The first time your child discovers how to remove their own diaper and naturally it's not a #1.
3). Turning around to find your child licking a stray toy on the floor of the doctor’s office.
4). Your toddler pulling marinara sauce off a high shelf at the supermarket and you're busy searching for the pasta with extra gluten.
5). Watching your healthy baby share snacks with a boogery child from across the room.
6). Walking into an non-childproofed all-white house, and your kids are packin’ fully loaded diapers and peanut butter fingers.
7). Unbeknownst to you, your toddler has had access to the sunscreen in her car seat for the entire 20 minute journey.
8). When your toddler's hair is soaking wet and the only access she's had to water is the toilet.
9). Upon entering the kitchen you see your baby's legs Wicked Witch of the West style stuck in the doggie dog.
10). When you accidentally swear in front of your two year old.