Oh the things I’ve Googled as a mom. I often ponder to myself, what did moms do before the internet? Was there simply a line around the block at the doctor’s office? Are we better off now that we can Google questions like, “Can my child contract rabies from sharing an acorn with a squirrel?”
While I was pregnant, I put myself on a Google diet of only one search per week and would only type in things that I worried would make my OBGYN mentally roll her eyes and question her decision to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on her Med School education. Important questions such as, “When will my belly button go back in?” or "Has anyone ever died from a painful contraction?"
Google can actually be a useful tool, but that doesn’t mean my searches aren’t anything short of hilarious. Here are some gems that can be found in this mom's browser history:
1). Basically anything that starts with “is it normal for my baby/toddler to…” insert anything here.
a. Cry for two hours straight.
b. Only drink milk while lying horizontal.
c. Poop every 30 minutes.
d. Feel like I love my child too much.
2). A baby poop chart with colors and textures.
3). A rash chart with colors and textures.
4). How to get my baby/toddler to stop screaming?
5). How to get my toddler to stop drinking the bath water?
6). Tricks for making sure my newborn is still breathing at night.
7). How can I restore my boobs to their former glory after nursing?
8). How can I get my child to sleep through the night without reading any parenting books?
9). What are the symptoms of ___________ in a toddler/baby? (Insert any scary disease here: Ebola, West Nile, Zika)
10). Is it dangerous for a child to bathe longer than 2 hours?
As moms, we all have large amounts of crazy-worry bubbling up inside, just waiting to explode all over our poor unsuspecting Pediatricians. Google, I’ve found, is a much safer place for me to unleash my inner mommy worrier.