I get giddy whenever I see a random person from high school or college post the obligatory first ultrasound photo on Facebook. I want everyone I know to have children. Strike that, I want everyone that wants to have children to have children. My reasons are purely selfish, but some are sincere and mostly genuine. Parenthood is the cliquiest of the most non-exclusive club. Join us, won’t you?
WE NOW HAVE NO LIFE AND WOULD LIKE YOU NOT TO EITHER
For every adorable picture of my daughter I post while in bed at 7pm on a Friday, I see ten more of my friends at bars, on yachts, or traveling the world. We get it; your glamourous child-free life is simply fabulous. Now knock it off and reproduce already.
A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE RIDICULOUS
While taking our daily stroll to go get the mail, my daughter decided that our neighbors’ driveway was the prime location to take off her poopy diaper. Naturally I texted a fellow mom friend: “I don’t want to brag but my 16 month old is pretty much potty trained” and then proceeded to share the exciting news (no I didn’t send a picture, we do have some boundaries). She congratulated me on a parenting job well done. I could never text this to a friend without children because not only would they not understand, but they’d never want to live next door.
THERE IS JUST NO WAY TO DESCRIBE THE LOVE
Picture how much you love your partner and then imagine creating something with them that comes from both of you, then multiple it by like a million. Or if your partner is annoying you at the moment, think about how much you love your dog (don’t have a dog? We are no longer friends and you are probably miles away from being ready to have a baby and you should probably invest in a hard to kill houseplant to start out). I now understand why my parents like me so gosh darn much and always want to be around me no matter how annoying I can get. I also feel like I somehow understand human beings more because everyone is someone’s child. This sounds cheesy and like a Heal the World Celebrity Telethon, but every parent is nodding their head yes because they get it.
There is a moment that I like to share with other parents where we are holding our children or participating in something that is centered around them and we make eye contact just for one second. In that instant we give each other a look that says, “How incredible is this?” Sure that moment doesn’t happen when our children are pooping, screaming, and tantrumming in the middle of Target because I won’t buy bubbles from the $1 bin, since we’ve tried them already and they are total crap, but that’s when we give the look that says, “I know. I’ve been there” and the minute passes and then we blink and everything is back to incredible.